Solving Your Practice Problems for Good

 

Do you ever feel like it is just way too hard to get your kid to practice their instrument enough? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. This is one of the most common problems parents face when their children are taking music lessons.

 

Unfortunately, practice-related problems will just persist if you don’t have the right view of practicing, and pass it on to your children. If you aren’t sure, a good question to ask yourself is, “What is my top reason of why they should practice?”

 

The problem is, we’ve become very goal-focused, and we’re creating this mindset in our children that nothing’s worth doing unless there’s some kind of reward or meaning at the end. 

 

I see this sometimes showing up in how my students and their parents view practicing the violin. They only see practice time as a way to perform well at their recital. But when we idolize the end result, rather than cherishing the process it takes to get there, we lose out on the magic that happens in the in between.

 

Of course, skillful playing is one of the awesome benefits of practicing, something I hope for all of my students to achieve. But if any musician is to really accomplish their full potential in practice, it will arise out of a view that the time in between genuinely matters, no matter what the outcome.

 

Learning an instrument and spending that time practicing reaches far beyond what your child will play at one of their quarterly recitals. Our goal of practicing is growth, not perfect performances. This is not only important for their mental and cognitive skills, it is also in the way they are becoming, connecting, and becoming aware of themselves. 

 

In October, I got the privilege of holding my baby nephew, and it hit me that he has so much greatness in him already. Our job as a parent is to draw out that greatness. This goes far deeper than creating skills. It is a long-term commitment with the goal of creating a certain type of person, not certain types of performances. 

 

I see creating skilled musicians in the same way. To help you shift to a more positive view, I’m going to show you my top 3 benefits of practicing violin that are not performance-related.

 

#1 - Overcoming Challenges

The first benefit of practicing is that it teaches children to overcome challenges. They may or may not ever “need” to play violin in public, but they will need to overcome obstacles in every part of life. And when they continue diligently practicing violin, they prove to themselves that they are capable of doing something challenging and succeeding with it. 

 

When they practice overcoming challenges every day, they build their resilience. So when they are doing a math problem or resolving a conflict with a sibling, they have already exercised or practiced the ability to break down problems and make them achievable. 

 

The way to draw greatness out in your children is by celebrating their progress as they go along. If they learn to stick it out when things get tough, over time, they will start to see obstacles as opportunities instead of roadblocks. And your response to this aspect of practice will give them everything they need to know about whether it’s worth the hard work.

 

So what can you do to boost this for them? Praise them when you notice them honoring the process, practicing regularly, and making even the smallest of strides. Don’t direct them towards end goals (ex. “You need to have this song ready for the recital!). Be there in the smallest stuff as much as you would be for the big things.

 

Allow them to go through the process of solving problems in a patient, loving way. You don’t always have to save them. Lean them into the challenge, and let the problem solving happen. It will build their confidence and life skills. 

 

If one or both of you get frustrated, remember: frustration means you are on the brink of growth. Ride the wave with them, then celebrate success.

 

#2 - Connecting With Your Child

The second benefit of practice is that it gives you a chance for connection with your child. In this age, everything moves so fast. Your kids are always doing homework while listening to music or watching TV, playing sports, or surrounded by other kids. There is so much stimulation going on in every area of their life.

 

Practice time gives you the opportunity to be still and focus on each other, and it creates a break from all the noise in your day-to-day life. It is a very approachable practice that will boost mindfulness, which is awesome for your kids, because research shows the benefits of mindfulness practices in children as young as 3. 

 

When families solve problems together, a beautiful connection happens. Give your children’s brains a break by focusing on music. It will help them connect with you and themselves. It also helps them focus on one thing at a time, and hone in on their own skills. 

 

#3 - Being in the Present

The third benefit of practicing with your child is to learn to be in the present. Life isn’t a destination, it’s a journey, and letting go of your ultra-focus on the end goal allows you to simply be present and enjoy musical development and your time together. 

 

Now, don’t get me wrong-- everything isn’t supposed to be fun every time. I like to use the metaphor of a well-balanced meal. Violin practice isn’t like chocolate cake, something that tastes delicious but then is gone. 

 

We use practice to nourish the body, brain, soul, and relationships. This leads to great fulfillment over time, and it’s so important that you create an environment for your children where they see this kind of work as valuable. 

 

Foster curiosity in the practice experience. Notice what goes well, and observe what they’re thinking and feeling as they work to build life-long skills that will carry them through the difficult teen years and beyond.

 

If you’d like to build this sort of a view in your child but don’t know how, I offer a free guide that shares more motivational ideas to make practicing fun and easy. If you’d like to transform your practicing experience, you can access it at violinpracticepartner.com/motivation.

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